


Fix a Heart

by watermealong



Series: Christmas, 2018 [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Athlete Yukhei, Breaking Up & Making Up, Broken lumark, M/M, figure skater mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 03:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17154428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watermealong/pseuds/watermealong
Summary: Sometimes, all you need is a second chance, right?Wrong.





	Fix a Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: grammar errors, unbeta-ed, repetitive words, far away from canon~

Wong Yukhei stare outside of his window from the inside of his moving car, the world is a fast moving of curiosity, of red lights and sea of strangers.

The shadow is slowly but surely killing him, embodiment and taking shapes in someone he desperately wanted to bathe in the warmth, of everything to make up cozy.

Seoul is a blazing lights of fluorescent and festivities, Yukhei hadn’t step a foot for more than a year here, and even when Hong Kong is more lively at this time of the year, with Christmas tree everywhere and Santa Claus with his presents decorating the whole city, Yukhei would still prefer this.

This familiarity, this sense of belonging, and a chance.

One chance; so he can make that person love him again.

For real, this time.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


Mark Lee pushes harder to glides on the skates, his left foot bent slightly and his left is stretched out far behind. He then kicked his right leg up in front of him so the right knee went up in the air.

Mark rolled down on the outside edge, kept looking out for other people until he eventually began his routine again, glides his left leg backwards, and jumps in the air. When he landed on the ice, he looks like an angel without his halo, spinning around with his right leg straight, he spins in an anti-clockwise direction, holding his chest out, head back and left knee in the air.

The wind is in his hair, breezing and cold as Mark finally finished his routine, skating comfortably down the rink with ease. It was still 6 PM when he began, but now, when he looks at the big, ticking clock in the wall, the hour had turn into 8.

Everything began to collapsed, when he saw a familiar face from the past, mouth curled up in a tiny smile and a bouquet of flowers in hand, waiting for Mark to reaches him. How long had he stands there? Watching and lurking in the shadow when he wasn’t supposed to be there.

Mark wants to screams, he is an angel that doesn’t need the face of the devil to kick him out from heavens door.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


Yukhei watches as Mark moves graciously on the ice, he always looks alive like that. The most beautiful thing on earth in Yukhei’s eyes. Mark is like the warmest light in this cold weather and Yukhei is blinded, went somewhere else within his every moves.

Focus and precise, he never missed a bit, the ice is his stage and he is living it up with every moves, with every lifts. But Yukhei knows, how much he had to empty himself up to reach that level, to be the true angel up in the kingdom of heavens.

Yukhei leans his back at the door, the rink is filled with everyone else, but Mark had secured his spot inside his heart that Yukhei’s stare never wavers from him, glued like everything in the past.

He sniffed the flower he brought here, they sell a lot of it for Christmas’ vigor and Yukhei thought it really won’t cost him a thing to try his luck on giving them to Mark. As a form of apology, as a welcome greeting, or what the fuck ever.

When the movement stop, Yukhei never lifts his eyes off him, even when Mark passes him by like shadows and never once acknowledging him, Yukhei only sighs.

“You look healthy,” he calls. Mark halted in his steps, and that is all the opening Yukhei needs. “I’m glad.”

By the sheer of luck, Mark turns his back to face him, steps heavy with the skates still on his feet. “What are you doing here?”

Yukhei chuckles, walking closer to where Mark stands. “Here in Seoul, or here to see you?”

Mark has no reaction. “I don’t have time, i have to go.”

Yukhei sighs, nodding. “At least,” he pleads, stepping forward. “Have this?”

Yukhei has his arms stretch out, giving the bouquet for Mark to take.

Mark looks at him with something like agony, and nothing else in his eyes as he shakes his head. “I can’t, Yukhei,” he apologizes, face has eventually morphed into sadness that looks like his own albatross, it lays like dirt, covering every other emotions he owns. “Just go, please.”

Yukhei smiles down at his flowers, smelling on it for the last time before he put it in the nearest table. “It’s your favorite.” he says.

Mark stays silent, lips pull in a straight line.

Yukhei feels his world crumbling as he takes few steps forward, doing the exact opposites as he walks past Mark, on to the door out, but not before he states a few words.

“I’ll be in Seoul until Christmas.”

He said each words with a pray, doesn’t know which God will eventually hear his prayers.

When he finally went out of the rink and not another word uttered from the young skater, not a circling arms to his hips, warming and lovely, Yukhei thought that nobody, _no_ _one_ really listens to his prayers in the end.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


Mark buttoned his pajamas shirt, putting on the moisturizer his friend gave him a few weeks ago. She said that since the weather is definitely too killing these days, Mark has to take care of his skin so it could get enough nutrition and gave him a bunch of skin care products.

Some are working, a few made his skin itch so Mark gave it back to his friend.

He stare at the reflection in the mirror, tapping on his cheeks and bites on his lips.

It really is the worst idea to not go back to Canada this year.

Mark was prepared to spent a lonely Christmas alone, spending his times practicing on the rink every single day instead of going back home to his family, but looks like fate has gruesomely wants to make him more miserable by sending the devil to him.

Mark looks at himself one more time before going out of the bathroom, the warm, comfortable room isn’t the only one that greets him in the quiet, when Mark look at his study table, the flowers lays there too.

He went to the kitchen next, looking for a glass tall enough to become a vase, filled it with water and gets back to his room again.

Mark arranges them, making sure to cut the unnecessary parts and putting them beside his lamp table.

The clock hits 10 PM, and Mark gets himself to bed. He tried to look straight to his ceiling, but then he gravitates back to the flowers.

_I do love the flowers, it’s my favorite, thank you._

_You don’t get to decide that, Yukhei._

_Is that your first kiss, Xuxi?_

_Once you walk out that door, i swear, i swear that i will never let you into my life again._

_Thanks for coming here, it’s a great support._

_I hate you, i hate you so much._

Mark closes his eyes, no, he will not do this, he will not think about that night again.

Everything is supposed to stay in the past, mistakes will exist as a reminder to never do the same thing all over again, to never give your heart fully to someone only to have them breaks it by a few words. Besides, once Mark let’s go of something, he will never, _never_ take them back.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


The world is a bitter symphony of truth. God is playing strings to everyone lives and none of us know how to read the notes.

“Ah, he is back?”

Mark eats his cake in silence, nodding.

“What for?”

Mark shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “And honestly, i don’t want to know.”

Mina drank her tea. “You sure about that?” She murmurs, and when Mark glares at her, she grins. “Sorry, sorry, i was just wondering.”

Mark sighs. “I just wish i won’t have to see him again until Christmas.”

“Why Christmas?”

“Because that’s apparently when he will go back again.”

Mina chuckles. “How do you know? Did you talk to him?”

Mark shakes his head, folding his arms in his chest. “He just told me as he passed by.”

Mina nods her head knowingly. “Mark, can i ask something?”

“Go on. You’ll say it anyway.”

“Did you-- is it still hurt?” Mina asks. “Did you still cry about him?”

Mark stare at his table, looking down on it like it had the answer.

“It still hurts,” he answers. “But i won’t cry because of him anymore, i know it hurts, but there really isn't any good reason for me to. He left me, and it really all there is, i won’t sugar coated his actions any longer, i’ll accept it as it is. Maybe i was lacking, maybe he got bored of me, who knows,” he laughs at the bitter truth. “I’m okay now, it’s all that matters, because i won’t let him break me again.”

Mina claps while having tears in her eyes. “As expected from Mark Lee!” She shouts, clapping some more. “I’m really proud of you, Mark, it breaks my heart to see you cry last year, i guess your psychologist is a great one, huh?”

Mark chuckles. “It was quite embarrassing for an adult like me to do therapy because of a broken heart at first, but i realizes it is also a sickness that everyone can experience and adults are exactly the perfect ones who needed a therapy.”

Mina nods furiously. “You are ready to meet new people now, then? It’s a really great and romantic time to do dates, you know.”

“Hmm, i don’t know,” Mark starts. “I feel like it’s not a great time for me right now, i will have to do a lot of trainings these days and barely have time for myself, more over for someone else.”

Mina scoffed. “Fine,” she says. “But you promise you can’t be alone this Christmas, my family is already waiting for you to exchanges our presents with, alright?”

Mark nods at her. Always so grateful to Kang Mina for being a totally supportive and understanding friend Mark can ever have. He didn’t have that many friends in Seoul other than his colleagues at the rink, and maybe Jaehyun hyung, who is his dentist and a friend he knows while he was still living in Canada.

“Hello,” Mark snapped his head too fast -- so fast -- that he believes he could have snapped it, to look at the voice. “Long time no see.”

Mina stares at Mark with fright, and then to the voice as she gets up with a bow. “Hello, Wong Yukhei-ssi, long time no see.”

Wong Yukhei nods. “I was just staying at the hotel across the street, what a coincidence to meet you guys here.”

_Coincidence my ass. You sure you weren’t stalking me?_

Mark must have voiced out what he has in mind unknowingly that Yukhei looks at him now with a smile. “I didn’t stalk you, Mark. But i guess,” he trails off. “Fate just had its ways.”

Mark snorts, looking up at the person with a smile. “Sure,” he says. “Now if you don’t mind, please let us excuse ourselves, Mina and i have something else to do.” He announces, giving a signal for Mina to gets up, which she did pretty abruptly that she bumps her knees on the table.

“Are you alright, Mina-ssi?” Yukhei asks, concern in his eyes as he reaches a hand out to Mina.

“I--i’m fine,” Mina says, stuttering and awkwardly swatted him away. “Dumb table, haha.”

Mark sighs, quickly walks across the table to check up on her knees.

“Oh my god, i’m fine, damn it,” she hissed, preventing Mark to do anything more embarrassing. “Let’s just go.” She nods in understanding, probably reading the heavy atmosphere. “Good bye, Yukhei-ssi.” She says to the guy who just stands there, taking Mark’s hand away.

“See you later, Mark.”

That unfortunately didn’t escape his ears as he went out of the door.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


Yukhei’s heart breaks into a million pieces once he heard Mark had to get a therapy, that he had cried for Yukhei. Because of him. Because of his decision to leave.

And it didn’t help when Kang Mina suggested for the skater to go on a date this Christmas.

He thought he can fixed this, he thought there could still space that would deemed itself open for them to start again, but it seems like he had broken _himself_ , and also Mark too.

_Should i go back home now?_

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


No.

He loves Mark too much to lose him again, he made him suffered long enough the first time, he had already endure much of separation, of longing and heartbreaks. He can’t let him go this time. Not like this. Not without a try.

He won’t make the same mistakes again.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


They met in a hot Summer day with the 21 year old Yukhei who can’t even speak a word in korean and probably had called everyone with a wrong name.

But he will always remember his encounters with Mark Lee, with his angel.

Mark is sweating buckets, jumping and stretching his body. But Yukhei could only stare, because once Mark is at the rink, he became the angel with a halo. And on that day, like he was struck by cupid’s bow, Yukhei swore that he will always protect him, protect that smile whatever it cost.

Too bad he fell almost all the time once he even stepped a foot at the ice rink.

It was too embarrassing looking at everyone -- who seems very professional -- and getting his ass kissed by the sweet ice.

But mark help him up, holding a very helpful hand even when he was way too small for Yukhei. He was so nice, and Yukhei is just way too awkward and dumb.

His mentor had scolded him, saying things that he came here especially to learn, to grasp a little tighter on his skills, not stealing times and went to the ice rink even when he can’t stand too long for shit on it.

Yukhei went to the rink everyday, and little by little, since he fell almost all the time, Mark will teach him a few tricks, the date on the rink was then brought to a nearest cafe, and then to the theater where Yukhei would screamed his lungs out once they chose a horror movie to watch and Mark would held his hand, telling him that it’s okay.

Their first kiss is an awkward while, but Yukhei is melting through every seconds while he bend his height to be the same as Mark’s, feeling like he was flying within every touch, with every fluttering and racing hearts.

Their separation is a nail jabbed to the core of his heart, but Yukhei really don’t have any other way at that time.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


Mark sits on a chair after his routine, wiping a sweat on his temple and drinking from his water bottle, he chats with his friend who brought her five years old daughter today, taking little steps on the ice. She just recently back to train again after being absent for nearly two years.

Her daughter is so lovely and lively and will run around everywhere, but it was maybe my his bad luck, when her tiny hands offered him a pair of knitted blue gloves.

That was when Mark sees it.  

He really hates Yukhei.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


_You have to be warm_ is written on the inside of the gloves.

 _My mom knitted this one, it’s your favorite color!_ Is hidden inside a letter to a deep red warm scarf.

The latest, doesn’t have any messages, but it is enough to make Mark pack his bag in hurry, calling Jaehyun hyung who is having dinner with someone else and asks for the athlete phone number, because for how uncomfortable he is for disturbing Jaehyun, he is their only mutual friends...

Because he can’t just do this, Wong Yukhei can’t just freely do this when he is the one who made them break apart in the first place. And what is he trying to do now?

Mark wants to laugh.

  
  


↬ ↫

  
  


“I’m giving this back to you,” Mark deadpanned, looking at the disheveled figure at the tip of his door. He looks messy as usual, a hand leaning to the door while he stares to Mark with sleepy eyes. There is something different about his face, like he had morphed into a more mature person, less clumsy guy Mark met years ago. “Good bye.”

Mark is shoving the box right to his hands, almost pushing it until Yukhei looks bewildered for a second. He turns around, nodding at the taller man.

“Do you still hate me now, Mark?”

Mark heard the pleading in his voice, and it would have break his heart in the past, how easily he will forgive Wong Yukhei as fast as a heartbeat. But not now.

“Yes.” He says, without turning his head.

“Can i...can you forgive me?”

Mark glances at his shoulder, sighing as his voice turns into a whisper. “I can’t.”

“I see,” Yukhei says. “Will you forgive me someday?”

Mark takes a deep breath, might as well just turns around when he still want to keep talking like that. “I don’t know. I don’t think i want to find out,” he huffed. “Listen, Yukhei, what are you doing now? It’s over between us, i...begged you to stay and you didn’t. We are over the day you walk out that door, i already told you that,” he lists. “Let’s not hurt each other even further, alright?”

Silence, and Mark can see a faint... _no_ _way…_

“Yukhei…”

He is crying.

Mark walks closer, his heart is in shambles looking at the always happy, always in spirit Wong Yukhei who can even turns the sun in shames whenever he smiles -- is crying.

Yukhei swatted a hand, preventing Mark to touch him.

“No, no,” he says, rather too quickly. “I’m okay, don’t worry! I’m not crying, Mark! I’m a man!”

In the past, Mark will scolded him for saying dumb stuffs like that. Who said that a man can’t cry? But he didn’t say anything, he keeps his hands inside his pocket, afraid that once he let his hands free, it will act against its own and pulled the taller man into a hug.

“Can i...can i at least drop you?” Yukhei asks, he is smiling bright now. “I feel bad that you have to be the one who came to me.”

Mark sighs, nodding. “Just this once.”

Yukhei brightens like a billion sun.

They walk side by side, everything is a faraway distance as Yukhei close the door to his hotel room, wearing a simple t-shirt and training pants, he even wore just the hotel sandals.

Mark wants to comment on it, how come he sent him so many warm stuffs but wearing almost nothing when it’s freezing right now?

“What are you doing back in Seoul?” Mark starts once they got into the elevator, Yukhei pressing the lobby floor.

“I was about to look for a new…” he trails off, but quickly shakes his head. “Holiday, just a simple whole week of gateway. Seoul is pretty when it’s Christmas time.”

Mark nods mindlessly. The numbers to reach the lobby feels like forever as they stand by themselves in an empty elevator.

“I’m really glad that you are healthy, Mark,” Yukhei beams. “It’s all that is matter.”

Mark nods. “I’m glad you are healthy too.” He says. “How’s your training? Your ment--”

Mark words are cut by a _ding_ to the elevator, and there, with it’s many people, is what looks like to be a family of seven. They all carry a big suitcases, looks like they were about to check out of the hotel soon.

Both of them cowered in the corner, got pushed on the far back. Yukhei had his body facing forward, while Mark has to face him, and he is about to die out of embarrassment for the close distance.

They smile awkwardly at each other, Yukhei looking down at him and Mark glancing with his head tilted up. The figure skater is not that small, in fact, he is quite tall and slim, but Yukhei will always towers over him, that’s why he always calls him a lamp light in the past, since he is tall and always bright…

_Why are you doing this to yourself, Mark?_

  
  


↬ ↫

  


Yukhei wanted to end himself.

He cried, can’t help it once he knows that he really can’t fix his mistakes last year, and now, being so close to Mark surely didn’t help at all. Yukhei wants to lifts him up, wants to hug him and kiss him again, it has been so long and everything is a total mess.

After the elevator arrives at the lobby, the family went out first, they have been talking about exploring the Jeju Island next while Yukhei held on his breath trying to not get found out that his heart literally about to burst in his chest.

“Bye, Yukhei.”

Yukhei forced out a smile, is this really the last time for them? Should he really gave up this time?

But he didn’t have any choice, right? He had hurt Mark too much for simply wanting the best for them, he wants to stay focus at that time and having Mark as his boyfriend is hurting the both of them -- at least that was what his mentor told him.

Yukhei had his dreams, and so was Mark. Their dream is everything for them, so Yukhei thought a lot before breaking up with him and going back to Hong Kong with a shattered heart.

He wished it could be different.

Did he regret it?

No.

He didn’t.

If they didn’t break up last year, someone or _something_ else will definitely tear them apart. And that will make them into a more unfixable pair.

“Good bye, Mark.”

The hotel lobby is not that crowded, the outside world is a white canvas as the snow begins to rain.

His voice is barely above a whisper, so desperately trying to not voiced it out so maybe then Mark will ask him again, will speak to him again.

Most people asks for a second chance after a break up, so they can start again, so they can rewind everything and drawing in a new blank canvas.

But no, second chance maybe is all you need, but it will never erase the things you have done to the person that you've hurt, a second chance will only hurt them more.

Yukhei is looking straight at his one last chance, opening the door to the outside world.

A second chance is nothing, when you can’t even fight for your one last chance.

“Mark,” he whispers, maybe tasting his own voice. “Mark!”

Mark turns around again, maybe it is his eyes playing tricks, but he looks a little sad.

Mark’s face question him and Yukhei smile.

“I will always love you!”

Yukhei isn’t moving, he stays in his place.

Wishing for something? No.

He just use his one last chance very wisely, who knows when would be the next time he will tell the person he really loves that he loves him? If not now, then Yukhei wouldn’t know any other time.

For a split seconds, he thought Mark will come running for him, but Mark is frozen in his place, it doesn’t need a genius to tell that he was about to cry, so yes, Yukhei will come running for him instead.

His steps were heavy, his body is freezing, but when Mark just look straight into his eyes with sadness, he quickly wraps him in a warm embrace.

Suddenly, everything is warm, everything is nice and forgotten.

Things always will be alright when Yukhei has Mark in his arms.

“Why did you leave me?” Mark sobs into his chest, Yukhei is holding him. “We wouldn’t have to hurt like this, Yukhei.”

“I didn’t want to leave you, _never_ , but you did realize that if we didn’t back then, something else will. And we will be far of a mess than this.”

Yukhei would love to know what is inside his little mind that made Mark hasn’t speak  a word yet.

“Stay,” he whispers, after a long while. “Stay here and i will try to understand you more.”

Yukhei pulls him closer. “Thank you,” he purrs, burying his face in between Mark’s hair. He still smells the same, of fresh shampoo and snow, and ice and warmth. “Thank you.”

It’s all that matters.

  
  
**END**

**Author's Note:**

> \- What is your opinion about making up? For me, personally, i would never give a try to mend a relationship, buuut idk, it's Christmas after all hehe  
> 
> 
> \- Merry Christmas to our favorite 99's boyfriends~  
> 
> 
> \- I'm sorry it seems rush djjdd holy shit it really reaches 4k??? This is the hardest and the most time consuming out of all my Christmas fics hhhh lumark did that sometimes... 
> 
> Thank you for reading~~! /bows/ <3


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